The Ultimate Tour de France Bullshit Bingo Card

We’ve compiled 24 of the most inevitable commentator clichés, roadside spectacles, and peloton oddities into one clickable (and printable) grid.

Keep it open on your phone or print a copy for your coffee table. Tap the squares as they happen live on the broadcast. Get five in a row, and you win free Cyclry stickers (if we can be bothered to mail them).

Cyclry Tour de France Spotter’s Guide (Glossary)

• Dancing on the pedals: The classic commentator phrase for a rider climbing out of the saddle.
• Tractor field art: Local farmers arranging their heavy machinery into the shape of a massive bicycle.
• The “Sticky Bottle”: A rider getting a magical, totally-not-illegal five-second tow from their team car while grabbing a water bottle.
• Borat Mankini Fan: A spectator chasing the peloton uphill in neon swimwear and flip-flops.
• “Making the calculation”: Usually said when the peloton is trying to mathematically reel in a breakaway before the finish line.
• Moto blocks rider: A TV or photographer motorcycle gets too close on a steep gradient, causing a traffic jam for the GC contenders.
• “Suitcase of courage”: A mandatory homage to the legendary Phil Liggett for a rider digging impossibly deep.
• Sunflower field shot: The mandatory, beautiful helicopter shot that defines July in the French countryside.
• 100+km/h descent: The on-screen telemetry showing a rider casually breaking the highway speed limit downhill in lycra.
• Over-the-top name pronunciation: A commentator suddenly adopting a flawless, overly dramatic French or Italian accent for one specific rider.
• Flare smokescreen: Fans setting off so much colored smoke on a climb that you literally cannot see the race anymore.
• Feed zone fumble: A rider missing their musette bag grab and looking back in sheer, hungry despair.
• FREE SPACE – Pogačar smiles while attacking: The inevitable moment Tadej decides to casually rip the race apart while looking like he’s on a Sunday cafe ride.
• Didi the Devil: The iconic fan in the red devil suit (or one of his many spiritual successors) running alongside the riders.
• “The elastic has snapped”: The official terminology for the moment a rider is permanently dropped from the group.
• Birthday breakaway: A rider gets into the day’s doomed breakaway specifically because it’s their birthday and they want TV time.
• Chateau history lesson: A prolonged booth tangent about a 12th-century monastery while a race-winning attack happens in the background.
• Fan swatted by rider: A cyclist physically moving a spectator who is staring at their smartphone instead of the incoming race.
• Time cut drama: The heavy sprinters fighting for their lives in the Gruppetto to finish the mountain stage before the time limit expires.
• Rogue animal on course: A dog, horse, or flock of sheep deciding to join the peloton.
• “Game of cat and mouse”: Two or more riders refusing to pull through, just staring at each other while the chasers close the gap.
• Rider abandoning in tears: The absolute heartbreak of leaving the Tour, usually captured sitting in the back of a team car.
• Road furniture panic: The peloton frantically dodging traffic islands, roundabouts, and bollards at 60 km/h.
• Live TV nature break: The camera operator realizes a second too late that the rider they are zooming in on is actively peeing off the bike.
• The Commentator Curse: Exactly one minute after a commentator claims a rider “looks incredibly comfortable,” that exact rider violently cracks and gets dropped.