The Doping Positive Enhanced Games are Coming

Well, folks, hold onto your seats because we’ve got ourselves a doozy in the world of sports. Meet Aron D’Souza, the brainiac behind the doping-friendly extravaganza known as the Enhanced Games. And guess what? He’s just rolled in with pockets full of cash, thanks to some big-time backers, including German-American billionaire Peter Thiel, crypto investor Christian Angermayer, and Balaji Srinivasan, former CTO of Coinbase. We’re talking millions here, folks. Yeah, you heard me right.

So, what the heck are these Enhanced Games, you ask? Well, strap in, ’cause it’s a wild ride. D’Souza’s got a bone to pick with the Olympics, calling it a corrupt relic of the past. His solution? A new-age, TikTok-worthy sports spectacle that embraces performance-enhancing drugs like a toddler on Halloween night. According to him, doping ain’t just for cheaters; it’s for record-breakers.

But hold your horses, ’cause it ain’t just any sport that’ll make the cut. D’Souza’s playing it fast and loose, axing events like badminton, curling, and long-distance running. Yeah, you heard that right. No more running marathons, folks. Apparently, that’s too much legwork for our modern attention spans.

Now, onto the juicy bits. D’Souza’s dangling some big ol’ carrots in front of these enhanced athletes. We’re talking million-dollar prize pools, baby. None of that chump change for these record-smashers. And get this—if someone shatters a world record, they’re looking at bonuses that could rival Scrooge McDuck’s fortune.

But not everyone’s clapping their hands and cheering. Oh no, folks, the backlash has been fierce. World Athletics president Sebastian Coe’s called it a joke, while Travis Tygart from the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency labeled it a “dangerous clown show.” Even American sprinting legend Michael Johnson’s calling it out as ridiculous.

So, there you have it, folks. The Enhanced Games: either a groundbreaking leap forward in sports entertainment or a train wreck waiting to happen. Guess we’ll just have to wait and see which way the dice roll on this one.