Every cyclist has heard the old-school advice: keep your legs fresh by keeping them crossed. No sex in the days leading up to a major race keeps you fit and focused. Nothing like a good yoni to drain your essence and sap your aggression.
Turns out that’s false. Which is strange, because it sounds so plausible. Scientists have conducted some kind of study that presumably involved having a lot of sex (yes please) and riding a lot of bikes (this is starting to sound like a great week). And their conclusion is that apparently a pre-ride roll in the hay might actually serve as an effective warm-up.
A new study published in the journal Physiology & Behavior decided to test the immediate effects of sexual activity on high-level, well-trained male athletes. Rather than looking at the vague window of “the night before,” the researchers zeroed in on a much tighter timeframe of thirty minutes before a maximal exertion test on a stationary bike. The goal was to see if the immediate physiological cascade of arousal and release would leave the athletes depleted or primed for action.
The methodology sounds more like having a wank and doing a quick Zwift session than living the Mario Cipollini lifestyle. Although the latter is becoming increasingly less desirable as the years go on. Anyway, the results are eye-opening. And thigh opening.
The researchers found that the athletes who engaged in sexual activity (which they helpfully clarified as masturbation to orgasm, meaning we can officially call ourselves sexually active) prior to the test actually demonstrated a small but statistically significant increase in the total duration of their cycling effort. Their time to exhaustion improved by over three percent compared to the control group who simply watched a neutral documentary. Furthermore, grip strength remained fully functional and slightly elevated, completely contradicting the myth that sexual activity somehow saps muscular power.
Here’s the neuroendocrine science why jacking off makes you good at riding a bike. The physical act triggers the sympathetic nervous system, creating a “fight or flight” activation that elevates the heart rate and floods the system with catecholamines. It acts as a highly effective physiological primer, essentially serving as a warm-up that readies the body for immediate, intense exertion. Hormonal analysis during the study showed elevated levels of both testosterone and cortisol, indicating a state of aggressive readiness rather than fatigue. Markers for muscle damage were actually lower in the sexual activity group, suggesting it does not compound the physical stress of the workout itself.
Worryingly, we’re pretty shit at riding bikes fast. Which does rather make us wonder how bad we’d be at bike riding if we hadn’t been accidentally getting the optimal preparation all this time.
Now, if you’ll excuse us, it’s time for another evidence-based, scientifically approved neuromuscular warm-up.