#tbt – Fighting Against Racism Whenever It Fights Against Us First
In 2008, we shared the leaked BNP member list. You can probably tell from our essays which part of the political compass we occupy, and to be perfectly honest, we wanted to help share it. Still, we did it as part of a joke about a certain former Cycling Weekly writer, who’d been arguing with us about Polish immigrants on VeloRiders. And while we had a fairly sizeable readership, we didn’t think our single paragraph would reach Britain’s gammon population. But it did.
We first got a baffling bit of fan mail. Who would be reading such a bizarre mix of in-jokes and obscure references if they’d only just discovered cycling, let alone think to send such a lame email? Most of our normal fan mail included more insults and threats than our hate mail. And those were just the ones from Lionel Birnie.
Then he hit up our editor’s father, who had proudly shared something from our terrible website. Thanks, dad. I was traveling the world with the sport’s biggest superstars, but that article about portaloos at the Eddie Soens is the thing you’re proud of me for.
So we pretended to be our own lawyer. And, somewhat disappointingly, that was the end of it. If you’re still following my career 12 years later, I’d like to extend my thanks for the emails of support. It genuinely did mean a lot to get messages like “I’ll stand with you on the blockades and wave the black flag.” It’s always pleasing when someone’s overly optimistic about my expected level of exertion in the revolution. (Sincerely, thanks.)
December, 2008
We’ve often courted controversy, but nobody — no matter how bad a light we portray them in or how stupid we suggest they are — has ever actually resorted to threats. Until now, that is. Apparently the BNP members are desperate to hide their repulsive racist faces in any way possible. But we’re not taking anything down from the website until we’ve discussed the matter with one of the best lawyers in the business…
Here’s the first message we received. An innocent-looking email from somebody who clearly knows nothing about cycling, masking A TERRIBLE ACT OF SUBTERFUGE:
From: Michael Calvert [madmikecalvert@yahoo.com]
Sent: 20/12/2008 01:48
To: deraileduk@deraileduk.com
Subject: great site!
Hi Guys
Great site!
Are you allprofessional bikers? Cyclists in the UK?
I’ve started getting into cycling and am planning a trip to the next Tour De France.
I am also a keen photographer/video. I can take pics/video of some events for your website, is there anyone that you put me in touch with that handles or runs your site? Or admin or owner? There’s not much info as to who to contact on your site.
Anyway, would be great to know who you all are!
Great Site!
Thanks
Mad Mike!!
We’ll admit we’re not very good at replying to emails, but nobody could be in such a drunken stupour that they’d actually expect us to get back to their redundant, middle-of-the-night message within 25 minutes, surely? APPARENTLY SO. Michael Calvert must’ve begun his search-engine scramble immediately, because he sent an email to one of our contributor’s parents just minutes later to tell them that their son would be facing a lawsuit:
From: Michael Calvert [madmikecalvert@yahoo.com]
Sent: Sat 20/12/2008 02:17
To: XXXXXXXXXX
Subject: Breach of a British Court Order – BNP Membership list
Dear Mr XXXXXXXXXXX
This is to inform you that your son has breached a British High Court Order by publishing the entire list of British National Party members, on his website, www.deraileduk.com.
Not only is the publication of this list a breach of a court order but he can also be charged with contempt of court. Your son may also find himself dealing with a massive law suit in regards to the British data privacy act of 1998, “Data must not be disclosed to other parties without the consent <HTTP://EN.WIKIPEDIA.ORG/WIKI/CONSENT> of the individual whom it is about, unless there is legislation or other overriding legitimate reason to share the information (for example, the prevention or detection of crime). It is an offence for Other Parties to obtain this personal data without authorisation.”
Plus other issues regarding the European Human Rights Act and further U.N Human rights resolutions could be applied to any possible future legal proceedings against your son for his actions.
Not only has your sons actions placed everyone on this list at risk from Identity fraudsters but releasing their names is a gross invasion of privacy, especially for many of the OAPs on this list, many of whom are World War 2 veterans who have had to deal with hate calls and other criminal acts.
So, finally I would like to appeal to you to ask your son to remove this BNP list from his website or proceedings will be taken against him, which I would not want to see happen.
Thank you for your time,
Yours Sincerely
Michael Calvert
Is a “massive law suit” something you can wear? Time to consult our lawyer, Mr Thomas F. Honeycutt!
From: Thomas F Honeycutt [honeycutt.legal@rocketmail.com]
To: Michael “Mad Mike” Calvert [madmikecalvert@yahoo.com]
Subject: Re: Breach of a British Court Order – BNP Membership list
Dear Michael “Mad Mike” Calvert,
I would like to avoid the usual opening preamble in favour of thanking you for your “e-mail”. It is not every day that one gets to speak to a great British war hero.
And I would also like to extend to you my thanks for providing me with Wikipedia’s legal definition of consent. We know, us powerful intellects, that a scan of Wikipedia, some quick thinking, and never forgetting where to put the apostrophe’s is all it takes to be a truly great lawyer. And I am a truly great lawyer. Remember the Mark vs. Simpson case in Palm Springs, CA? Or the trial of Barrington Mitchell Jr., also in Palm Springs, CA? Let me tell you, I was the first lawyer in California to advertise on both freeways and interstates. I also successfully sued the producers of the television (“TV”) show “Ally McBeal” for their character “John Cage”, who, the court decided, was based on me. The entire case is covered in detail on Wikipedia, should you wish to conduct any further research.
So, I hear you ask, why have you travelled from Palm Springs to England (not Britain)? Why would you give up your life as one of the United States of America’s highest profile lawyers to live in England (not Britain) to represent a tiny website and a few dozen people who’ve tripped over cracked sidewalks? Simply, I wanted a quieter life, away from the supermodels and paparazzi. Truth be told, Mad Mike, I am finding the slow pace a little too slow, if you know what I mean. I would relish the thought of a high profile court case to get my blood racing. A chance to “flex” these “pecs”, so to speak.
However, my clients would not be able to afford the “massive law suit” you suggest, and feel terrible knowing that war veterans like yourself have had their privacy invaded. As a result, I must inform you that my clients and I humbly surrender to your request. Please furnish me with the details of the British High Court Order (preferably a scanned copy), as well as, if I may be so humble to request, a form of ID so that I am able to ascertain that your intentions are genuine.
I am sorry for having to take this step, Mad Mike, but many months of haggling with an untrustworthy Nigerian over the $3,000,000 inheritance of a tragically deceased prince have taught me not to simply believe all that is emailed to me. I hope you can understand, as there are conmen out there who’ll take your fair share of a fortune in an instant. Many conmen. So many conmen.
Please be aware that after Tuesday December 23, 2008, I will not be in the office until Monday January 4, 2009. Therefore, in order to proceed with this at the earliest possible opportunity, it is imperative that you contact me before Tuesday.
Yours Sincerely,
Thomas F. Honeycutt
P.S. I was very sorry to hear of your demise. Please let me know if this is a case of mistaken identity, an error on Wikipedia, or simply the restless ghost of a true British hero contacting me through the ether to right a terrible wrong.
THIS E-MAIL CONTAINS INFORMATION WHICH IS CONFIDENTIAL AND MAY BE SUBJECT TO LEGAL PRIVILEGE. REPRODUCTION OF THIS E-MAIL IS PROHIBITED. THE CONTENTS OF THIS E-MAIL HAVE BEEN CHECKED FOR MALICIOUS SOFTWARE WITH LAWYERSCAN 2008, BUT WE ACCEPT NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR ANY HARM CAUSED TO YOU OR YOUR SYSTEM THAT RESULTS FROM THIS MESSAGE.
No further correspondence.