Ranking The Spoopiest T-Shirts from Dark Cycle Clothing’s Halloween Collection
Dark Cycle Clothing have released their Halloween collection. We love their gear, and this latest collection is great for Halloween parties, day-to-day goth wear, or just scaring the shit out of your newborn baby.
Here are our favorites from the collection, organized from least to most spoopy.
Skeleton on a Bicycle
A skeleton on a bicycle is a terrifying premise to be sure, but this is a pretty cheeky chappy. He drinks craft beer and rides a fixie. Probably tries to talk to you about Thomas Pynchon at cycling events, but that’s alright. You’ll nod and smile when you see each other at the next Bicycle Film Festival, and then never speak again.
Ranking: Not scary, a friendly boy
Spider on a Bicycle
This is fucking mad. It’s a spider on a bike. Why’ve they put a spider on a bike? Mad. A spider on a bike. And with eight legs, it could be riding two touring tandems or even be its own track pursuit team. That’s the thing with spiders: you’re never sure if you’re going to get Jeremy Corbyn or Ed Clancy.
Ranking: Mental, a spider on a bike
Ghost on a Bicycle
It’s hard to think of a ghost on a bicycle without getting a depressing reminder of our own mortality and the lack of political will to protect us. This ghost was probably killed by a driver who’s already back behind the wheel. Your hobby puts you in the path of distracted sociopaths wielding two-ton weapons who’ll only get a small fine for killing you and leaving your family destroyed.
Ranking: Terrifyingly real
Bat on a Bicycle
Bats are pathetically weak animals. They’re tiny with fragile wings, and they mostly just sleep and eat beetles. Hell, they can’t even see properly. The one thing a bat is good at is flying around, so any bat that puts itself at a handicap and rides toward you on a bicycle instead of flying is aggressively confident. I don’t know what he’s up to, but you’re in danger.
Ranking: This bat got me producing guano
Skull and Arrows
I didn’t spend all that time measuring bones in Harvard’s anthropology department to just go calling a cranium a skull. This t-shirt has nothing to do with bikes, but somebody has been firing arrows at a human cranium, which is totally fucked up and not OK. Bones aren’t for shooting at, they’re for analyzing in very specific ways that reify dominant ideologies of race and sex.
Ranking: Some Joffrey shit’s going down
Bonus:
Werewolf on a Bicycle
This werewolf is a bit buff. Probably has a penis like a baseball bat. I’m feeling uncomfortable thinking about it, to be honest. Not sure why they’d put such a thing on a t-shirt.
Grim Reaper on a Bicycle
Very cute. In fact, the cutest bike-related anthropomorphic personification of the concept of death you can possibly wear.