Wahoo Launches New Elmnt Bolt; Here’s Some Weed

Wahoo officially launched their new Elmnt Bolt bike computer today. It’s a tiny bit bigger, slightly better at mapping, and has a color screen. Wow.

But the big story is that we were sent all the details and completely ignored the email because it wasn’t from one of our usual secret-sharers. That means we missed out on tons of clicks from cyclists desperate to learn more about one of the ten thousand black rectangles full of conflict minerals and plastics that’ll be around 10,000 years after we’re all dead. Well fuck, how are we supposed to sell the site now?

We’re not missing any more opportunities, so here’s another tip we received. We don’t understand it, but hopefully it’s as valuable to our page rank as sharing the tech specs for the new Bolt long before its embargo lifts. Enjoy?!

From: kevin@teesxvape.com <kevin@teesxvape.com>

Dear press:

Hi,

HQD KING 2000puffs,AIRBAR MAX 2500puffs,MASKKING PRO MAX 1500puffs,IGET 2500puffs

We can also provide Puff Plus,Puff Max,Puff XXL,Bang Switch,Bang xxl,Bang xl,Air Bar,Fume,MaskKing,Hyde edge ect.

Are you interested?you can contact me for our catalog freely.

BR,

Kevin

Does that mean anything? What if we type in some SEO-friendly terms like Star Wars download free Xbox games brutal throatfucking? Are we now the top of someone’s marketing funnel?

Oh, don’t be like that, it’s a Giro rest day. What else are we going to write about? free iPad.