How to convince r/peloton that you are not doping in 8 easy steps – July 6, 2021.

How to convince r/peloton that you are not doping in 8 easy steps

1. Look tired after every stage. This one is obvious, the more tired you look the less you dope. Even if the stage ends in 15km wet descent that everyone takes slow, you need to drop dead after you cross the line.
2. Don’t brake uphill. Only dopers brake uphill, it’s scientifically proven.
3. Use small ring on hard climbs. Do I need to say anything more? Big ring is for dopers, small ring is for clean good guys.
4. Be good in only one discipline. Unless you are MVDP, WVA, Pidcock or Evenepoel you can only be good at one discipline. Good at mountains? Bad at time trial. Rules don’t apply for those four, as they can learn to time trial over night and can beat Ganna on flat course even if they are half his weight.
5. Don’t have a bad day. Bad days are for dopers, true athletes are either good or bad. Bad day is when you run out of dope.
6. Have a bad day. Off days prove that you are not doping, since it’s natural to have them.
7. Don’t race for a non-European team. European teams have never been caught doping so it makes sense that only dirty foreigners would dope. European teams are all about science and marginal gains with aero rim brakes.
8. Don’t say that you have never doped or that you have never tested positive. This is what every doper would say. Clean athletes don’t hide their positive tests from press.