The Enhanced Games, in which doping is not only permitted but encouraged, seems a fanciful notion, more publicity stunt than sporting event. But what if we told you that one of the Trump children had backed it to succeed? You’d probably take it more seriously, right? Oh, you wouldn’t?
Enhanced Games founder Aron D’Souza has announced a new multimillion dollar backing from 1789 Capital, the investment firm of Donald Trump Jr, Omeed Malik, and Chris Buskirk. Aron was light on the details, so we can’t say exactly how much of a heavy lift that ‘multi’ is doing in the previous sentence, but it’s certainly a lot of money–money that’s being put to the best possible use in fixing a broken nation by backing an imaginary sporting event that seems to mainly exist to send out vague press releases every six months.
Don Jr wiped the coke boogers from his nose, then told us that “The Enhanced Games represent the future – real competition, real freedom, and real records being smashed. This is about excellence, innovation, and American dominance on the world stage – something the MAGA movement is all about. The Enhanced Games are going to be huge, and I couldn’t be prouder to support this movement that is changing sports forever.”
The Enhanced Games is about removing doping controls to push the limits of human potential, something we somewhat agree with, and fostering transparency and athlete safety, something we’re skeptical about. The first edition of the games will apparently take place this year (sure they will) and will feature “track and field, swimming and other popular events.” Bit of a miss not calling out cycling, the official sport of dope cheating, but we received the news so we’re optimistic. They add, “endurance races like the marathon or 10,000m may not be included in the inaugural edition due to length and logistical challenges,” which makes it less likely we’ll see a road race. Maybe a criterium. Are you going to unfreeze your carbon monoxide laced blood just for a criterium?
D’Souza says the event has already drawn interest from over 4,000 athletes, who probably want to remain anonymous for now.
You can watch the Enhanced Games on Cyclry.TV later this year. Maybe. Aron, Don Jr – we’ll talk, yeah?