Race Across America Will Make Your D Curve

Does your D Curve? Don’t answer that, we are not legally allowed to hear the answer. Not after our last transgression.

D CURVE Optics has announced a new partnership with Race Across America, an event more associated with withered Ds and calloused perinea than benign genital curvature. 2023 will be the race’s 41st edition, and the 3,000 mile coast-to-race event is now OFFICIALLY the World Championships of Ultra-Cycling.

Apparently, D•CURVE offers innovative eyewear that is “geared toward sustainable, lasting products with original designs and exceptional quality.” This partnership hopes to highlight the company’s wide range of products suited to different cycling disciplines. Gonna be honest, we’re three paragraphs deep and still not yet over the company name.

They sent us a quote and we’re going to share it because otherwise this article might burn yet another bridge for us. The quote is this: “Ultra-racing means a lot of time exposed to the elements. During RAAM racers will ride through the toughest conditions imaginable, from extreme dry heat into pouring rain. Your eyes are vulnerable at all times and in all weather. D•CURVE Optics high quality products help eliminate the worry about protecting your eyes,” said Rick Boethling, Executive Director of RAAM.

Andrew Strauss, D•CURVE founder and CEO, says these words: “We know how much cycling fans love the outdoors. We wanted to partner with the type of outdoor organization that offers an experience where people get to utilize the roads on their bicycles.”

At the risk of making fun of them a bit too much, “an experience where people get to utilize the roads on their bicycles” is such a hilarious underselling of almost any cycling event you can imagine, bar those weekends where roads are closed or those SkyRides they did in London in the 2010s.

Race Across America: you get to utilize roads. Wearing glasses.