Stop the Fucking Presses: INEOS Grenadiers Have a New Backpack Sponsor

INEOS Grenadiers–Britain’s only UCI WorldTour team sponsored by a possibly imaginary 4×4 invented by your favorite Brexiteer oil baron Manchester United fan–have announced a bold new partnership that delivers a branded backpack. Don’t think corporate retreat or lazy journo swag, this is properly exciting stuff, presumably, and we’ll know why when we finish reading the press release. So hold up for five minutes if you have the Cyclry CLM+ membership tier that lets you read our articles in real-time as we write them.

Alright, we’re done reading. It’s a bag that has the INEOS Grenadiers logo as a patch. And if that’s not captivating enough (it’s not, and nobody can pretend it is), INEOS tell us that, “Also set to launch in the coming weeks are the INEOS Monument patches in a hexagonal shape as a collectors item, followed by bespoke Grand Tour patches later this year.”

We would absolutely love to continue making jokes at the expense of whatever this partnership is, but unfortunately it’s the most profoundly boring news we’re received in a long time. Here’s some important advice for any brands still reading this site: you don’t have to send out a press release every time you put your logo on a backpack. They even included fucking quotes. Honestly. What the fuck.