Tour de France 101: An Intro for Newbies

Welcome to Cyclry University’s class of 2022. I’ll be your adjunct professor, Jessica.

The Tour de France is an historic event with complex tactics, unspoken rules, and ways of measuring victory that may be unfamiliar to fans of other sports. But it’s actually very simple–and fun–to follow!

Here’s our first lesson. It will tell you everything you need to know in just ten minutes.

Did you enjoy my robotic, masculine voice? Is it how you were picturing me? After completing this first lesson, you’re now an honorary member of Cyclry U’s college cycling team, the Bay State Pedalphiles.

And, in fact, that’s the only lesson. To recap:

• Ride in formation to shelter from the wind
• Breakaways will attempt to win stages and usually fail
• Overall victory is decided by aggregate time – the fastest rider over three weeks is the winner
• Stage victories are fun

Don’t hesitate to attend my office hours if you require anything else. I’m available one hour a week, three weeks a year, in room 402. The building name? I forget. If you try enough room 402s, you’re sure to find me.

Finally, there’s the matter of your tuition fee. This course was $70,000. Thank you for attending, and feel free to contact us about payment plans.