Our merch has long been neglected, with weird Covid-era face masks, synthwave mugs, and a They Won It Five Times shirt that sold way more than it should have since it’s not 2012 any more. Since we launched our own store (rather than relying on Redbubble), we’ve been able to refresh, filling it with… that They Won It Five Times shirt again.
But look. It’s hard to come up with new concepts without upsetting Nintendo’s lawyers or your own HR department. Here’s our process.
P.S. We still have a ton of cool Cyclry stickers of various designs. We just don’t feel like selling them. Contact us and we’ll put one in an envelope for you for free.
Concept 1
C
H
What is that? I recognize it.
C
Sonic the Hedgehog logo.
H
What’s Sonic got to do with the Dauphiné?
E
I see the relevance. Little fella, dressed in blue, going dead fast.
H
I like it. Is there anybody good on a team that wears blue at the moment? I only write about cycling races, I don’t actually watch them.
C
What do you mean you don’t watch cycling?
H
I just reverse engineer the memes to understand what’s going on.
E
Doesn’t Sonic jump around and smash up that lad in the wheelchair?
C
It’s not a wheelchair.
H
It’s more like a mobility scooter.
C
It’s… Well, I don’t know. It’s a hover ship or something. Sonic the Hedgehog isn’t a game about beating up disabled people.
H
I don’t like it. Not on brand at all.
Concept 2
E
E
I made this one. Inspired by the Sonic one.
H
What’s this? Why’s Suisse spelled with a Z?
C
It’s the Zelda logo, isn’t it?
H
People are going to think we don’t know how to spell Switzerland in the Swiss language
E
It’s a Z because the logo’s not very recognizable with an S
H
Show me.
E
H
That just says The Tour de Suisse. Next.
Concept 3
H
H
Here’s mine.
C
Can you read that out for us, big fella?
H
It says “I may be flat but at least I don’t need lube.”
E
Is it about tubeless tires or something?
H
Yeah, it’s a double-entendre. I was thinking we’d have a girl with small tits model it.
C
Where are you going to find a girl who wants to do that?
H
We could pay one.
C
We’re going to pay a girl to wear a shirt saying her pussy is wet?
H
And that her tits are small.
E
We’ll make enough on shirt sales to cover this?
H
Even if not, we’d probably all enjoy paying a girl to wear a statement like that wouldn’t we?
C
I’m using my veto on this right now. And I’m begging you to leave women alone.
Concept 4
H
C
Moritrolo, Izoard, Livigno, Finestre, Stelvio. Oh, that’s actually quite clever
H
Thank you.
C
That doesn’t mean I like it though.
H
Kids these days go wild for this stuff.
E
Shouldn’t it be ‘milves’?
C
Yeah, like beeves. Plural of beef.
H
I did pay a woman with big tits to model this one.
H
C
That’s enough. We don’t need this shop that badly.