Cyclry

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I’d Like to Ditch My Car and Go Green: How Do I Go About Becoming an Urban Cycling Commuter?

Guest article by The Guardian’s minestrone correspondent, Douglas Prenthall

First published February 2010

Many of us say we want to go green, but leaving the car at home is as hard as it sounds. Often you’ll be running late and simply won’t have time to not sit in a traffic jam for an hour. Or maybe you’ll want to go to the gym to use the running machines and don’t want to be tired when you get there. Whatever the case, here’s a handy guide so you can be a cycling superexpert who’s no longer scared of hurtling head-first through traffic.

Choosing Your Bike:

  • Roads in 2010 are very lumpy, so you’ll want to buy a mountain bike with the softest suspension you can possibly find. Every pedal stroke should feel like you’re sinking into a delicate soft sponge.
  • Alternatively, buy a carbon-fibre Cervelo and all the gear. Sure it’ll cost you £20,000, but you’ll look absolutely amazing riding at 12mph with a black slick of road murk straight up the back of your matching white Assos.

The Technical Bit:

  • When it comes to gearing, follow this simple rule: First, find the ideal gear ratio for your strength and stamina, then add or subtract fifty (50) gear inches. Voila!

Apparel:

  • Always wear a helmet. Cars won’t hit you if you wear a helmet. But in case the worse does happen, make sure you have an easily accessible bell on your handlebars.
  • Gloves are important, probably. Make sure you buy ones that are very thick so that you don’t have to feel your brake levers when you touch them.

Mastering Your Commute:

  • Cycling is perfectly safe provided you stay in the bike lane! Don’t be intimidated by HGVs who absent-mindedly take up half the cycle path, just keep riding up the inside of them and you’ll be fine.
  • Jump on to the back wheel of any serious cyclist you encounter for an easy ride as far as they’ll take you. It’s just like getting in to the back seat of a stranger’s passing car. And if you think about how much carbon you save sharing a car, imagine how great for the environment it must be to share a BIKE!

Buy Some Chickens and Go Vegan for Six Hours:

  • And finally, tell everybody about your green commute at all times, and get yourself an allotment. Within a month you’ll be making 95% of your journeys by car and shopping at Tesco, but by golly you probably made a difference for a while.